Tak tau how im supposed to be feeling right now.. well, on wednesday ada talk at Safinah pasal Barren, stillborness and miscarriage. I feel so relatable and connected. I know, i have yet to get married and let alone have children but i guess sebab i ni wanita. Mungkin, mungkin sahaja it might happen to me one day (harap takkan berlaku but we never know). Most of us were in tears hearing stories from the guest speakers. Then, one couple talk abt the wife infertility. It hits me hard. Im... so scared actually. Like what if it happens to me. She said her mences tak dtg 1 year and bila gi doctor, doctor ckp she infertile. My mences now like on and off. Bila on, dtg sikit je. And the part below my stomach (not sure what its called) always sakit. And i eat some medicine to regulate my mences. Im scared honestly. I didnt tell anyone about this, not even Mok. I know i should be positive and all but i cant stop thinking what if i really... cant pregnant? Ya Allah, seram nya... like what Ustaz Mizi ckp, its a test for  you and He knows you are strong enough to overcome this. Lets brush this thoughts off...

He is currently sick and have yet to text me. Wanted to give him a text but i feel that i shouldnt. Bcause if i text, he will reply and ended up not getting his rest.

Honestly, kinda disappointed fr the past 2 days... but its super petty i guess so i shall not bring it up. Hence, will jst write it here. Well, only a handful knows my blog right? Last 2 days, after we meet at Tampines, he told me he going meeting with the Majulah at Bugis. As usual, told him to text me when he reached home (is like auto, he wont text me when he is outside because he dont use phone). And so i waited... and waited... and waited... keep checking the clock and it was aldy 11plus. He replied my Ig story but i thought he was still outside (bcause he didnt mention he dah at home). So i continue to wait until ard 2plus. Was kinda tired so i fall asleep.. but i keep waking up every hour, checking my phone to see if he dah balik ke belum... nak tidur pun susah hati. Till ard 5plus, i was half awake and decided to take wudhuk and wait fr subuh. Lepas subuh baru dpt tidur. Dldm tidur mimpi pasal dia, in the dream, he was bot okai. Then, tersadar ard 6.44am and decided to give him a text. Asked him if dia dah balik ke belum because i know by 6plus he dah siap and get ready to go out for his prog. Went to sleep back and keep tersadar every 15-20mins to check my phone. 1 hr later, he replied me and said sorry, smlm balik je dia KO...

I swear i was trying my best to be very objective and understand him. But a part lf me still cannot understand. Why is it so hard fr him to drop me a SHORT text (a few words) saying that he was at home??? I was really really scared that something might happen to him. Dalam otak, dah fikir dia all the bad things that could have happened to him on the way home seh.. at one point, i was relieved to know that he was already safe at home sleeping. But macam geram gytu.  He definitely will be super worry if i tak update if i dah sampai rumah kan? And i was being emotional yet concern. Supposed to meet him smlm to belajar but told him to go back and rest. Then he replied me back ard 1plus-2pm gytu ckp he dah balik and tgh sakit. I told him okai. Then he asked me to take care and again, i said okai. That was the last text.. sampai skrg, he tak text balik.. i guess he dah tidur ah lepas makan ubat. Kesian sgt sgt. Tapi takpeluh, hopefully nanti pagi dia dah okai and reply me. Shall give him time to rest and recover. And i should stop being emotional. Hmmmmmm!

On sunday, went to Carousel as his cousin and siblings invited me for their cousins dinner cum birthday surprise fr Wani (his youngest sister). Actually half hearted nak pergi sbb paiseh seh nak jumpa the rest. I mean i dah jumpa his siblings and family cuma nak jumpa his cousins mcm too fast? But oh well, cant say no to good food and furthermore, his another sister (same age as me) really wanted me to come. So, on sunday, met him at Orchard. Supposed to meet at 5pm but my aunties and atok sedare came to visit my nenek so keluar lambat sikit. And oh did i mentioned Mok was super concern with what i wear and my makeup till she did the makeup on my face and choose everything from baju to seluar to kasut and bag and tudung. Hahaha! First impression matters.

Reached Orchard around 5.30pm and bought marvel lipsticks, mascara and eye palette and face masks for her from face shop. Totally worth it and going to buy the lipstick fr myself too. And we also bought some gifts from typo. Heh! Kinda nervous but alhamdulilah all of them were friendly. His sisters were very friendly (knowing that he told me both his sisters is introvert and tak berapa suka bubal dengan org). Alhamdulilah. And his cousins too. Guess what she asked? "How i tahan with Wan ah?" Typical questions i will get from his friends. Hehe! And his cousin bawak anak dia which is few months old abyboy. Cuteee! His brother and another cousin came and ard 6.25pm we get ready to masuk. I sat beside his sister and he sat in front of me. Terus attack makan. Attack sushi and lotsa sashimi first. Hehe! Then, second round makan the seafood. All lupa the dining ettiqutte bcause couldnt be bothered to peel the shells using fork and spoon. I malay use hands je! Can really clique with both his sisters well. In fact the youngest sister (which have a default fierce face, just like my sister. Mungkin sbb nama sama hahah) talk to me alot. She even asked me to becareful when i eat the seafood. Awhhh too cute! Tried almost everything except fr the carb. Paused sekejap for mahgrib and nasib baik ada surau at that hotel so solat jap with him and his another sister before we sambung back. I took sashimi again and some beef ribs. Yummy yum! And the salmon is super naice!! And ohh, halfway eating, the birthday song was played and Wani tak tau its for her too so she happily sing and was suprised when the person came to her with a cake. HAHAHAHA EPICE FACIAL EXPRESSION! She was blur but tried to smile. HAHAHAHA! Gave her the gift and hopefully she suka ah seh. Susah nak decide what to buy actually.  Take photos and continue with dessert. And oh did i mention his brother was friendly and he tried to make a convo with me too. Awhhhh alhamdulilah i feel so welcome! Makan makan sampai tak boleh makan like legit bila tgh makan macaron, perut rase bloated gila and nak muntah but slowly continue to eat. Quite sad sbb tak dpt mkn ice cream and the waffle but okai ah the food is super fresh and sedap. Worth the price ah seh! Managed to ambik gambar dulu sebelum balik. They went back while me and him walked to Dhoby, kasi perut cool down before we chill chill at Plaza Sing till 11plus. Ubered home bcause ada discount so why not. Heheh! And his youngest sister DMed ckp he really love the lipstick and the bag. Yay! Suka sgt sgt. Really blessed and glad for the dinner. Alhmdulilah that his brother and both sisters likes me. Heheh! ☺