Kinda feel emotional tonight. Syazwan jst finished his paper just now. Told him to rest and get some sleep because he been studying out late for past few days. Im trying to be the understanding girlf i can be and try to be the best for him. He also ckp bila makan cheese samyang make him sleepy gytu. So, okai luh the more i ask him to sleep. Gi facebook, guess what? Saw he replied to his friend comments 5 mins ago?? HAHAHAHAH! I should really stop bothering this kinda petty things, hve the neutral attitude and less worrying and caring for him. Told myself to be all that when i went to r/s with him but i ended up being very soft, concern and emotional. Bulan, for your own good. Pls, be less emotional. Give him space and let him do what he wants. At the end of the day, dont be too attached with him. The more attached you feel, the harder to let go one day.  Remember that he is not officially yours.

Tapi.... i orangnya mmg generally cepat attached with people. One of my flaws that i have to work it out.. slowly i guess?

Its been 10 month since you first went to hospital due to your mild stroke. I still remember, it was during january halaqah, in the middle of Ustaz's talk, mum called and said you cant talk suddenly. Rushed to KTPH right after it ended. So disheartening to see you shouting. From then, you realised that you no longer able to talk or express yourself. It was 0030hrs. i still remember clearly, they wanted to go home instead of accompanying you in the hospital. I remember clearly the words they utter, the excuses they gave not wanting to stay. But i wasnt surprised because it isnt the first time they are like this. In fact, it has been 20 years, they give a lot of excuses not to take care of you. Also, for the past 20 years, you could hardly see their face or hear their voice. I swear, its really really heartbreaking seeing how your children treat you like this. Everytime i look in your eyes, i cant stop crying, thinking how much you have sacrifice and suffer.
Having you in my house for the past 20 years have been a blessed. The day i born, you took care of me when mum went to work. I feel your love. You went to hospital for the first time when i was in Y3 Poly and everything changed. You were bed-ridden. You couldnt walk, couldnt shower or feed yourself. Its my turn to take care of you. To feed you, change your diapers, shower you and put you to sleep. That day, during ramadhan, as usual before breakfast, i would teach you how to walk using your frames. With His wills and blessings, you took a few steps in front, walking towards me very slowly. I cried. After few months in bed, you were able to walk again. Those times when you wake up in the wee hours, saying you have pooped/peed and wanted to change your diaper instantly, when you wake up every hour saying you hungry or want to take an early shower, when you were unable to walk but can still talk at that time so you will call me to guide you for prayers. I admitted, sometimes i cry. I get annoyed. I get frastrated. I dont wish to let it out to others because its difficult to express how im feeling and explaining the whole thing. But this make me stronger, patient, believe in His blessings in disguise. There is so much more that i want to say.. but for now, allow me and my family to takecare of you even when the rest dont. Thankiew nenek and arwah atok for eevrything. Love both of you dearly!